Holding Out

Well, as much as we desired it, it does not appear like we will be passing court in 2011 to be E and J's parents. There was a huge election in the DRC at the end of November, and practically everything shut down - including the courts. And they have yet to open back up. With Christmas coming, I suppose we are holding out for January.

We have been reading/hearing from other families that things just seem to be s l o w. In the DRC and it seems worldwide as well, on the adoption front. It's a tough pill to swallow, let me be honest. I just want them home. I desire so strongly to have E and J here, with their names we speak every.single.day to have real live bodies sleeping in our home as well. For Spencer and Kate to KNOW what it means to have more siblings. Yes, we are so incredibly blessed with them. More than I could even give thanks for. But the Lord has created a desire so strongly in me for more children, and I am ready. I have been ready. It has been 20 months since we filled out that first application and now I can honestly say I have NO idea when E and J will make it home. I thought the spring we would be able to travel, but we are unfortunately feeling like that is not going to happen. It is discouraging to think my girl may have another birthday without us.

What can I tell you? I want to be upbeat and positive and not wish time away. I really do. Some days it is easier to wait than others. Some days I am hopeful and trusting in God's timing. And some days I cry out to Him, because I just do not understand. I don't know what it is taking so long. I don't know why He has chosen this path to look like this for us. Some days my heart aches for them so much it makes me feel physically sick.

One thing He has shown me is that this is the process of refinement. Of sanctification. He has said it will not be easy. But the end result? To look more like Jesus. To have a heart like His. To consider it joy when we face trials because the testing of my faith produces perseverance. Perseverance leads to maturity and wholeness. (James 1) Yes please! I know I could use a little more maturity, ya know?! Especially when I am doing my pity party in front of the Lord!!

Anyway, I just wanted to share that I have nothing new to share. Your prayers would not be wasted that we might seek God's face in our heartache. In the unmet desires. Faithfulness and obedience would be our goal. To love God, to love each other, to love our children, and to love people. That's what we can be doing in the meantime.